• Kirsten Lies-Warfield

Waiting, Counting

L O G Oct 30, 2021

2 days since I heard the diagnosis.

Biopsy on Tuesday, now it’s Saturday, doctor called and said cancer on Thursday.

One week without Rae, 8 days today.

Email dated Oct 6, re: appointment request. Reason for visit: I found a lump in my breast.

Oct 5, my discovery. 25 days since then. I know it has been there longer but don’t know how much longer. I know it is there and it is not benign.

5 more days until I speak to a specialist. 5 days to do nothing while it does something, living with me when I want it evicted.

11 days since diagnostic mammogram. Something is there that shouldn’t be there the doctor said.

For 15 days, I knew it was there but thought it was nothing. A new lump that is a part of my aging body. Sonogram said different.

For 9 days after, my mind calculated the odds of catastrophe as low. It’s something, but it’s probably not serious.

2 days ago it became serious. Rather it has been serious for I don’t know how long, more than 30 days, it just took me 24 days to figure that out. Am I moving too slowly? Is it faster than I am?

5 days to wait for more questions and no idea when I can eject this dark passenger.

5 days seems like a long time.

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